Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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