i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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