Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
