so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
