pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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