I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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