You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
