The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
