Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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