it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
