five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
