dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
