How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
