I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
