So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
