he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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