I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
