Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
