I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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