checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You are a genius and a whore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
