My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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