I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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