Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
