Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize