Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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