I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
