Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
