I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
