Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
