She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize