mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
