this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
