I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
