Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
