got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
