remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
