Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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