That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
