Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
