got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
