Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
