when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
