I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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