So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
