dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
