I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
