ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
