Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
