If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
