this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
