Don't EVER smell your tampon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
