My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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