my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
being pregnant is like rehab
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
