No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Houston, we have a squirter
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
