i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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