I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
