Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
