I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My vagina is officially offended.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
