I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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