I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
