she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
