a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
