Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
