I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize