After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
