My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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