so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
