It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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