I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
