It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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