I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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