i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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