I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
