SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
