she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
